On the Shores of Santorini: This is an all new story based in the Greek region described by Homer's Iliad. Two of the main characters from his epic poem, Achilles and Hector, appear as main protagonists of the narrative leading the fight against the invading forces of the Spartan army.
From the Journals of Sinbad: Hamunaptra: The story focuses on the latest adventure for the world-famous sailor Sinbad. Rather than traveling the seas, Sinbad instead embarks on an excursion into the desert searching for the lost city of Hamunaptra and its hidden treasures. (Author's Recommendation)
The Country Mouse and City Mouse: This is a tale of two cousins who attempt to show each other the benefits of their way of life. Along the way they both learn to appreciate the other's way of life, while still preferring their own in the end.
The Poncas Take the Plains: The story of how the Ponca Nation came to be in possession of the horse, a tool that would change the tribe's control of the American Plains.
Hi Cole! I think you did a great job writing your story and you seem very knowledgeable about Greek mythology. I really enjoyed reading this story, although mythology isn’t something I knew much about before taking this course. Since more of your readers might be more on my level, I think it would be beneficial if you included a little bit of background about each of the main characters and the type of relationships they have with one another. I think the path you took with this story and how it ended uniquely, with neither side really “winning” was a really great and unexpected approach. I think the audience could also understand the story better if you included more imagery and details about the setting of the story, so readers can have a picture in their mind of what is going on as we read. Overall, great job and I can’t wait to see the rest of your portfolio!
ReplyDeleteON THE SHORES OF SANTORINI:
ReplyDeleteThe idea is neat: two gods play a larger-than-life chess game with human pieces to determine their fates. Epic in scale and human in scope through our gods.
There's a good sense of historical accuracy here by integrating geography of the Greek and Spartan nations and backgrounds of the gods.
"hoping to Hades overtaking the other Gods." What does this mean? Is Apollo for Hades' takeover?
"God" (capitalization) refers to a singular entity, whilst "god" (no capitalization) refers to plural.
"wishing to have he war" I'm willing to bet "he" is supposed to be "the" in this case.
"The first evening camped on the island the leaders of the two armies" This should really have a comma. Be aware word choice and when to use commas in cases like these, because certain subjects can come with unintended modifiers or misinterpretations. Read your story out loud to make singling these out of your story easier.
The above sentence with that misunderstanding also runs on a bit too long.
"battling below, battling one another" Redundancy.
Overall, solid story idea and feel, just needs a few wording and comma kinks to weed out.
Excellent work.
FROM THE JOURNALS OF SINBAD: HAMUNAPTRA:
Diary-style is a nice choice for this story, making it feel like a lost chapter of Sinbad's voyages.
There are some questions left hanging that I wondered about, such as what Hamunaptra's significance was, how Sinbad managed to survive this mess, and Dr. Walters' aides' motivation in this tale. Finding ways to incorporate these will make the plot more compelling.
Some more action could also help, since Sinbad's tales are often about his planning and action to escape any situation, like with the Roc.
"We are moving slower than expected, several of Dr. Walters’ aides insisted on traveling with horses" comma should be replaced by a semicolon.
This original tale of Sinbad shows promise, and with a little expansion, it will become a true adventurer's tale.
Good work.